Es muy difícil poner en palabras lo que siento.
Mamá era una persona muy especial. Loca de atar por momentos, pero con un corazón enorme, y una luz interior que es difícil de describir.
La veía como un peluche gigante de hierro imantado. Buena, fuerte como un toro y con un gran poder de atracción. Atraía gente de todo tipo, desde niños y gente de edad avanzada (para no decir viejos), pasando por gente border, hasta las gitanas de punta
de las que la tenía que separar (yo con 10 años) para que no le sigan robando sus cosas.
Mamá era una de las personas más brillantes y generosas que conozco. Tenía momentos de lucidez donde te describía la vida con una profundad admirable. Era generosa a tal punto, que cosa que le regalabas, la regalaba inmediatamente; y aún más importante, hacía todo para ayudar al prójimo y hubiera dado su vida por su gente querida. Ayudaba en iglesias con Zoita e iba con Carmen a escuelas del interior para ayudar a chicos, cuando muy probablemente, era ella la que más ayuda necesitaba.
Mamá era una persona que, aunque no tuvo una larga vida “sana”, vivió intensamente, y dejó una huella enorme.
Hace unos años me puse a pensar en el complejo de Edipo. Pensé que era imposible que yo lo haya tenido dado que la conocí bastante enferma; pero hoy me doy cuenta que lo tuve, y en cierta medida, lo sigo teniendo. No sólo busco una mujer bella, inteligente y buena como ella; sino que también, una que tenga algún grado de locura,
llamémoslo “excentricidad”. Cuando era chico su “excentricidad” me angustiaba porque no la entendía. Fue recién cuando dejé de tratar de entenderla, y la acepté,
que me permitió acercarme. Esto no sólo me permitió lograr entablar una relación muy cercana con ella que a su manera fue “perfecta”, sino que también me abrió los ojos para poder ver al mundo con más color y con otra perspectiva.
Mamá no sólo me enseñó a tener empatía, a soñar despierto, a amar sin esperar nada a cambio y a reírme de mi mismo sin pasar vergüenza; sino que también me develó un humor negro con un dejo de acidez, que pocos entienden, aún menos comparten, pero que a mi me fascina, y que fue una pieza fundamental de nuestra relación.
Mamá me enseñó a vivir de una manera distinta: esperar poco y agradecer más.
Mamá, aunque te hayas ido, una gran parte tuya va a seguir viviendo en mí. Sólo espero que en donde estés hayan muchas vinchas, collares, pulseras, licuados de banana y repollitos de Bruselas.
Te quiero mucho!
Beso grande, en las 2 mejillas, como te gusta a vos.
lunes, 5 de noviembre de 2018
lunes, 2 de julio de 2018
JEUDI MON GRAND-PÈRE EST MORT
El jueves pasado murió mi abuelo y una de mis figuras paternas.
No soy un fan de los funerales, creo que nadie es un fan de los funerales salvo los pychos, pero si fuera por mi, I would go Irish! Juntaría a todos en un bar con remeras ploteadas con la cara del abuelo donde fluya el alcohol y donde entre risas y llantos compartamos sus historias. Eventualmente todos nos vamos a convertir en historias y va a depender de éstas por cuánto tiempo vamos a ser recordados.
Si se ponen a pensar, es un absoluto milagro que haya vivido tanto. No sólo estuvo secuestrado 3 meses y medio y casado con la Abuela, sino que era un verdadero peligro al volante. Definitivamente el peor conductor que vi en mi vida al que no sé muy bien cómo, a pesar que se confundía el freno con el acelerador, le renovaron el registro año tras año hasta que tenía casi 90!
Cuando era chico al abuelo lo veía inmenso y creo que más que respeto, le tenía terror. Alto, ancho, frío, de poca palabra y duro, muy duro. Según lo que me comentaron, uhm uhm Zoita, cuando nací no me quería nada pero a lo largo de los años fue aprendiendo a quererme hasta que logramos entablar una gran relación que me dejó un gran legado: su amor por la naturaleza, los libros, los viajes y el whisky.
Voy a recordar siempre las caminatas por el parque de La Margarita y el Náutico en las que me enseñaba los nombres de todos los árboles que nos cruzábamos, su ronquido furioso que se escuchaba por toda la casa, su cara roja y sudorosa en la lancha que nos tomamos en Iberá, los dos fines de semana enteros que pasamos pegados a la TV viendo Shogun, sus "ahi ahi ahi Patroclus, Patroclus" mientras sacudía su cabeza de lado a lado cuando le hacía un chiste que no entendía o me mandaba una macana y su cara blanca de asombro cual fantasma cuando le robaron en el subte de Barcelona TODA, literalmente TODA, la plata que tenía para su viaje que recién comenzaba.
Cabeza dura como pocos pero con un gran corazón lo quería mucho y lo voy a extañar aún más.
El otro día se me ocurrió una teoría. Qué si cuando uno muere puede elegir dejar alguna de sus virtudes o vicios a sus seres queridos? Si esto fuera posible, espero que no se vengue de este tributo y me deje sus ronquidos!
No soy un fan de los funerales, creo que nadie es un fan de los funerales salvo los pychos, pero si fuera por mi, I would go Irish! Juntaría a todos en un bar con remeras ploteadas con la cara del abuelo donde fluya el alcohol y donde entre risas y llantos compartamos sus historias. Eventualmente todos nos vamos a convertir en historias y va a depender de éstas por cuánto tiempo vamos a ser recordados.
Si se ponen a pensar, es un absoluto milagro que haya vivido tanto. No sólo estuvo secuestrado 3 meses y medio y casado con la Abuela, sino que era un verdadero peligro al volante. Definitivamente el peor conductor que vi en mi vida al que no sé muy bien cómo, a pesar que se confundía el freno con el acelerador, le renovaron el registro año tras año hasta que tenía casi 90!
Cuando era chico al abuelo lo veía inmenso y creo que más que respeto, le tenía terror. Alto, ancho, frío, de poca palabra y duro, muy duro. Según lo que me comentaron, uhm uhm Zoita, cuando nací no me quería nada pero a lo largo de los años fue aprendiendo a quererme hasta que logramos entablar una gran relación que me dejó un gran legado: su amor por la naturaleza, los libros, los viajes y el whisky.
Voy a recordar siempre las caminatas por el parque de La Margarita y el Náutico en las que me enseñaba los nombres de todos los árboles que nos cruzábamos, su ronquido furioso que se escuchaba por toda la casa, su cara roja y sudorosa en la lancha que nos tomamos en Iberá, los dos fines de semana enteros que pasamos pegados a la TV viendo Shogun, sus "ahi ahi ahi Patroclus, Patroclus" mientras sacudía su cabeza de lado a lado cuando le hacía un chiste que no entendía o me mandaba una macana y su cara blanca de asombro cual fantasma cuando le robaron en el subte de Barcelona TODA, literalmente TODA, la plata que tenía para su viaje que recién comenzaba.
Cabeza dura como pocos pero con un gran corazón lo quería mucho y lo voy a extañar aún más.
El otro día se me ocurrió una teoría. Qué si cuando uno muere puede elegir dejar alguna de sus virtudes o vicios a sus seres queridos? Si esto fuera posible, espero que no se vengue de este tributo y me deje sus ronquidos!
sábado, 9 de septiembre de 2017
100% HOY
Hoy es el comienzo de mañana.
O el fin de ayer...
O tal vez, quizás, en una de esas extrañas casualidades el medio de todo.
Pero lo dudo...
Creo que es más bien hoy.
Un hoy simple y sin mucho que decir. Un hoy sordo y mudo.
Un hoy que en su silencio grita pero no tiene voz.
Habrá quien lo escucha pero está lejos.
Lejos del bullicio y de la razón.
Hoy se quedo sin palabras pero tiene tanto por decir.
Es un hoy con muchísima potencia pero sin ser. Un hoy simple y humilde que se rinde a la física de la vida.
Un hoy cansado pero con luz. Un hoy hambriento de vida.
Un hoy magnífico y lleno de magia que irradia energía pero que no encuentra un lugar para albergarla.
Un hoy triste pero con esperanza.
Hoy supongo que es hoy...
Ya no estoy seguro si es ayer o mañana...
Tal vez no es nada...
Solo tiempo y el tiempo es una ilusión.
Y la ilusión soy yo.
jueves, 27 de abril de 2017
martes, 18 de abril de 2017
100% MOTOCHORROS
Today, for the second time in a couple of months they tried to rob me. I got out of it safe, basically because I'm a bit crazy, intuition, a quick reaction and luck, a lot of luck.
I parked my car two blocks away from my office. I was about to get out of my car when I felt something was off. I looked out through my side view mirror and I saw three dodgy looking guys. One was on a motorbike and the motorbike was cutting the street behind me. The other two guys were running through the street in my direction wearing River Plate's sportswear. - Although I was close to River Plate's stadium, it is not uncommon to see people wearing River Plate's sportswear, it was around 1:00pm on a Monday, that was odd (first yellow flag). - I wondered where these guys were running to, I looked ahead expecting to see something and it clicked (second yellow flag). Fuck! They were running towards me, and they were close, too close, one of them was just passing the car behind me. I felt an adrenaline rush, and without thinking I managed to start the car and shift into first gear. I was taking off when my side window exploded (big red flag), small pieces of glass were flying around the cabin like confetti. I didn't care. Nicolas Cage was gone in 60', I was gone in 20'.
I couldn't see much, my side window was falling on top of me, I had tiny pieces of glass stuck to my face, stuck to my shirt, but i didn't care, I kept driving, I had to get the hell out of there. I looked back through my rearview mirror and I saw two motorbikes on my tail. Fuck! The three guys were following me. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I had no idea where I was going but I was going fast and as far away as I possibly could.
After a couple of blocks I saw one of the motorbikes turn left - I have no clue what happened to the other motorbike - I immediately turned right andI I got caught in a traffic jam. Fuck! I tried to get through but it was impossible. I was stuck. If the guys on the motorbikes came back I was fucked, super fucked. I was a sitting duck in this traffic jam and it felt like shit. I called my cousin and told him to get down our office - I was a couple of blocks away - while I kept looking back trying to spot any motorbike going my way until the cars in front finally started moving. I felt almost safe.
I stopped my car in front of my office building. I got out, grabbed my jacket, my backpack, and my notebook and left them with the security guy. A couple of minutes later my cousin was helping me get some of the window glasses out, when I found the metal stick one of the guys used to break the window. I kept it like a lucky charm. :)
I parked my car two blocks away from my office. I was about to get out of my car when I felt something was off. I looked out through my side view mirror and I saw three dodgy looking guys. One was on a motorbike and the motorbike was cutting the street behind me. The other two guys were running through the street in my direction wearing River Plate's sportswear. - Although I was close to River Plate's stadium, it is not uncommon to see people wearing River Plate's sportswear, it was around 1:00pm on a Monday, that was odd (first yellow flag). - I wondered where these guys were running to, I looked ahead expecting to see something and it clicked (second yellow flag). Fuck! They were running towards me, and they were close, too close, one of them was just passing the car behind me. I felt an adrenaline rush, and without thinking I managed to start the car and shift into first gear. I was taking off when my side window exploded (big red flag), small pieces of glass were flying around the cabin like confetti. I didn't care. Nicolas Cage was gone in 60', I was gone in 20'.
I couldn't see much, my side window was falling on top of me, I had tiny pieces of glass stuck to my face, stuck to my shirt, but i didn't care, I kept driving, I had to get the hell out of there. I looked back through my rearview mirror and I saw two motorbikes on my tail. Fuck! The three guys were following me. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I had no idea where I was going but I was going fast and as far away as I possibly could.
After a couple of blocks I saw one of the motorbikes turn left - I have no clue what happened to the other motorbike - I immediately turned right andI I got caught in a traffic jam. Fuck! I tried to get through but it was impossible. I was stuck. If the guys on the motorbikes came back I was fucked, super fucked. I was a sitting duck in this traffic jam and it felt like shit. I called my cousin and told him to get down our office - I was a couple of blocks away - while I kept looking back trying to spot any motorbike going my way until the cars in front finally started moving. I felt almost safe.
I stopped my car in front of my office building. I got out, grabbed my jacket, my backpack, and my notebook and left them with the security guy. A couple of minutes later my cousin was helping me get some of the window glasses out, when I found the metal stick one of the guys used to break the window. I kept it like a lucky charm. :)
sábado, 30 de julio de 2016
CALL ME ANY TIME THAT YOU SEE THE LIGHTNING
I'm on a loop. I'm writing this post listening to Kygo's Raging song. I can't stop listening to it! It's weird how some songs are intrinsic, they touch something deep inside your soul. They feel like a drug, your mind just flies away to a familiar place but it's still difficult to pinpoint where you're flying to. You just feel everything, and you smile because you're whole. In this precise moment, everything is perfect, and everything is just where and how it is supposed to be. Life is simple. Your mind is in a limbo dancing around your happy place. Right now your life is this moment.
I'm experiencing a duality, on the one hand I don't want to think, I just want to keep feeling this strange sensation of ecstasy. On the other hand, I want to remember. I want to remember the place, the life, where this feeling is taking me to. It feels so familiar, it's enervating. It's like one of those amazing dreams you experience every so often. Dreams where the alarm clock rings, you wake up but you just want to fall back to sleep as if nothing happened, and keep dreaming what you were dreaming. Keep dreaming the same dream, not a fabrication of what you were dreaming, the same exact dream where you had no control of its outcome.
Trying to think, look back and reminiscence it's so attractive, but... just like a dream, if you do so when your flying, and want to keep feeling euphoric, ecstatic, rhapsodic, intoxicated by this incredible moment, you can't think, you can't wake up, you just have to keep feeling, dreaming. Don't wake up. Keep experiencing this amazing moment, your moment, as long as it lasts. Keep raging, raging... You'll have plenty of time to analyze it once the moment has passed.
sábado, 18 de junio de 2016
On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
Last year I had my heart broken, like a glass panel smashed by a huge hammer it broke into a million pieces. I’m ok now, but I’m still putting some pieces back together. I know I have to pay special attention to the glue I use to do so because it will define how solid the new structure will be. Better to spend some time choosing the right glue or even better to melt down the pieces to make a stronger structure, than to use whatever you have at hand just to save time and get a crappy one to get by.
My journey to acceptance has been a struggle. Why is it so difficult to accept despicable actions of people we love? Why is it that we believe people we love would never intentionally hurt us? Is it our own pride? Our misconceived self grandeur? No one likes making mistakes because they reveal our imperfect nature, but they are fundamental for our personal growth. Sociopaths would definitely choose to overlook the mistakes they’ve made because they just don’t give a shit, but the rest of us should choose to fix them. Not because it’s easy, but because it is the right thing to do, and what will eventually define us as a person. We are not defined by our mistakes but by what we do once we’ve made them. We can choose to overlook them as if they never happened or we can do our best to fix them. Denial is attractive, and in the short term we might be better off overlooking them, but in the long term, if we’re not just an empty vessel our conscience will make our lives unbearable and wish we had confronted them earlier. People are complex but with the proper perspective and a clear mind, we all know what is right.
Time is the most valuable asset we have because it’s limited, it’s the most limited resource we have. Time gone by is either lost or well spent. Our whole life is defined by how we allocate our time. Although I’ve dedicated way too much time on someone who wasn’t worth it, it revealed a lot about myself. It made me rethink my life and explore my soul in ways I haven’t done before. On my quest to find an explanation to make sense of it all I realized that I will never find an explanation that will make what happened right. Trying to do so is just a waste of time. Einstein believed insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, expecting a logical behavior of someone who behaves illogically is probably the same. Most people don’t really change, they might change some small qualities and behaviors over time, but their essence, their true nature, won’t change. If you try to save a scorpion from drowning with your bare hands be prepared to get stung. This doesn’t mean you have to let the scorpion drown, if it’s in your nature to save the scorpion do so but wear a glove. ;)
On my quest I’ve also discovered the true meaning of forgiveness. To forgive is not to forget nor to excuse the other person’s behavior, it’s to accept what happened and how it made you feel. It’s to stop recreating and reliving a past that had no future. It’s to stop expecting something from the wrongdoer. Closure probably makes forgiveness easier but forgiveness is an internal and personal act. Although every time someone wrongs you it hurts, the size of the scar will depend way more on how you treat your injury than on its magnitude. A nasty injury that is treated properly will leave a way smaller scar than a small one that you keep picking the scab off.
Last but not least, it gave me a new perspective on love. I thought love was a reciprocal act between two people, but I arrived to the conclusion that love can be unidirectional. “It is the time you spend on your rose that makes your rose so important.”* A crush pops up and can easily fade away because it has no roots. Love, on the other hand, has a way longer lifespan because it has roots that cover your entire self. Love is magical not because it pops up like a rabbit from a magician’s top hat, but because it’s the magical outcome of choosing to care about someone or something. Despite love is a leap of faith, you can’t do anything to be loved but just let yourself be loved, it’s overwhelming once you truly internalize the fact you chose to do so. Although reciprocal love is what we hope for, unidirectional love will leave you with a fuller self. Love makes you selfless, it reveals the best of you and it motivates you to become the best version of yourself; you just have to be prepared “to weep a little if you allow yourself to be tamed.”*
*The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
My journey to acceptance has been a struggle. Why is it so difficult to accept despicable actions of people we love? Why is it that we believe people we love would never intentionally hurt us? Is it our own pride? Our misconceived self grandeur? No one likes making mistakes because they reveal our imperfect nature, but they are fundamental for our personal growth. Sociopaths would definitely choose to overlook the mistakes they’ve made because they just don’t give a shit, but the rest of us should choose to fix them. Not because it’s easy, but because it is the right thing to do, and what will eventually define us as a person. We are not defined by our mistakes but by what we do once we’ve made them. We can choose to overlook them as if they never happened or we can do our best to fix them. Denial is attractive, and in the short term we might be better off overlooking them, but in the long term, if we’re not just an empty vessel our conscience will make our lives unbearable and wish we had confronted them earlier. People are complex but with the proper perspective and a clear mind, we all know what is right.
Time is the most valuable asset we have because it’s limited, it’s the most limited resource we have. Time gone by is either lost or well spent. Our whole life is defined by how we allocate our time. Although I’ve dedicated way too much time on someone who wasn’t worth it, it revealed a lot about myself. It made me rethink my life and explore my soul in ways I haven’t done before. On my quest to find an explanation to make sense of it all I realized that I will never find an explanation that will make what happened right. Trying to do so is just a waste of time. Einstein believed insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, expecting a logical behavior of someone who behaves illogically is probably the same. Most people don’t really change, they might change some small qualities and behaviors over time, but their essence, their true nature, won’t change. If you try to save a scorpion from drowning with your bare hands be prepared to get stung. This doesn’t mean you have to let the scorpion drown, if it’s in your nature to save the scorpion do so but wear a glove. ;)
On my quest I’ve also discovered the true meaning of forgiveness. To forgive is not to forget nor to excuse the other person’s behavior, it’s to accept what happened and how it made you feel. It’s to stop recreating and reliving a past that had no future. It’s to stop expecting something from the wrongdoer. Closure probably makes forgiveness easier but forgiveness is an internal and personal act. Although every time someone wrongs you it hurts, the size of the scar will depend way more on how you treat your injury than on its magnitude. A nasty injury that is treated properly will leave a way smaller scar than a small one that you keep picking the scab off.
Last but not least, it gave me a new perspective on love. I thought love was a reciprocal act between two people, but I arrived to the conclusion that love can be unidirectional. “It is the time you spend on your rose that makes your rose so important.”* A crush pops up and can easily fade away because it has no roots. Love, on the other hand, has a way longer lifespan because it has roots that cover your entire self. Love is magical not because it pops up like a rabbit from a magician’s top hat, but because it’s the magical outcome of choosing to care about someone or something. Despite love is a leap of faith, you can’t do anything to be loved but just let yourself be loved, it’s overwhelming once you truly internalize the fact you chose to do so. Although reciprocal love is what we hope for, unidirectional love will leave you with a fuller self. Love makes you selfless, it reveals the best of you and it motivates you to become the best version of yourself; you just have to be prepared “to weep a little if you allow yourself to be tamed.”*
*The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
100% ESQUIZOFRENICO
Para que no me rompan mas las pelotas con eso de hablar solo, me compre unos headphones con microfono y los tengo puestos todo el día. No los tengo conectados a nada pero el boludaje no lo sabe. La gente piensa que estoy ocupadísimo con llamadas todo el tiempo y no me molestan. Esto a mi me da un respiro. Que agobiante es tener que estar todo el día haciendo lo politically correct. Con los headphones puestos puedo ser yo mismo sin tener que estar aparentando todo el tiempo que soy alguien más. Si la gente supiera la libertad que podrían tener con esas tiritas de cable que tienen colgadas! Lo único que tienen que hacer para ganar esa libertad es desconectarlas pero la mayoría de ellos no lo harían no por no estar conectados sino porque se sentirían ridículos.
martes, 24 de noviembre de 2015
100% SUNSHINE
Hay días en los que la vida nos sonríe y días en los que lo único que nos queda es sonreírle a la vida.
miércoles, 23 de septiembre de 2015
100% CHOCOLATE
Life is like a box of chocolates... DARK!!! hahaha
If you are one of those lucky bastards touched by a supreme power, in your first pick you will find the perfect piece for you. For the rest of us mortals, finding the perfect pick will convey a longer journey, where intuition and resilience will play an huge roll. Intuition is based on your experience and your ability to learn from your mistakes. Your brain works in mysterious ways, consciously you might not always be able explain a gut feeling, but that feeling means something. Your brain is probably identifying a pattern. Your conscious brain might not be able to put the finger on it, but your unconscious brain does. Resilience will put you back in the game once you have lost a match. Life is not just one set, in the long run, both personal traits will prove critical. What about luck you might say. Luck... well... luck will always tip the table in favor or against the odds, but as you can't control it, don't depend on it. Take L. Pasteur's word for it, according to him "luck favors the prepared mind".
Beware the flashy looking pieces, although they might be very attractive on the outside, they might prove to be hollow in the inside. Once you've chosen a piece, if it doesn't prove to be fulfilling, or its too soft or too hard in the inside, too rich or too subtle, has a bitter taste, or a foul aftermath, do not dispair, the box still holds plenty of pieces to choose from. Be resilient and take another go. Trust your intuition, if your hand avoids certain pieces it might be because although you might not remember, they might have the same shape or color to one you didn't like. Don't be a fool, don't pick them up. Learn from your past experience and choose wisely. Keep picking up pieces until you find the right piece for you. Don't stop until you do so. Why stick to a piece that doesn't do it for you? But, once you've picked up the perfect piece for you, don't be an ass, stick to it. ;)
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