sábado, 18 de junio de 2016

On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

Last year I had my heart broken, like a glass panel smashed by a huge hammer it broke into a million pieces. I’m ok now, but I’m still putting some pieces back together. I know I have to pay special attention to the glue I use to do so because it will define how solid the new structure will be. Better to spend some time choosing the right glue or even better to melt down the pieces to make a stronger structure, than to use whatever you have at hand just to save time and get a crappy one to get by.

My journey to acceptance has been a struggle. Why is it so difficult to accept despicable actions of people we love? Why is it that we believe people we love would never intentionally hurt us? Is it our own pride? Our misconceived self grandeur? No one likes making mistakes because they reveal our imperfect nature, but they are fundamental for our personal growth. Sociopaths would definitely choose to overlook the mistakes they’ve made because they just don’t give a shit, but the rest of us should choose to fix them. Not because it’s easy, but because it is the right thing to do, and what will eventually define us as a person. We are not defined by our mistakes but by what we do once we’ve made them. We can choose to overlook them as if they never happened or we can do our best to fix them. Denial is attractive, and in the short term we might be better off overlooking them, but in the long term, if we’re not just an empty vessel our conscience will make our lives unbearable and wish we had confronted them earlier. People are complex but with the proper perspective and a clear mind, we all know what is right.

Time is the most valuable asset we have because it’s limited, it’s the most limited resource we have. Time gone by is either lost or well spent. Our whole life is defined by how we allocate our time. Although I’ve dedicated way too much time on someone who wasn’t worth it, it revealed a lot about myself. It made me rethink my life and explore my soul in ways I haven’t done before. On my quest to find an explanation to make sense of it all I realized that I will never find an explanation that will make what happened right. Trying to do so is just a waste of time. Einstein believed insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, expecting a logical behavior of someone who behaves illogically is probably the same. Most people don’t really change, they might change some small qualities and behaviors over time, but their essence, their true nature, won’t change. If you try to save a scorpion from drowning with your bare hands be prepared to get stung. This doesn’t mean you have to let the scorpion drown, if it’s in your nature to save the scorpion do so but wear a glove. ;)

On my quest I’ve also discovered the true meaning of forgiveness. To forgive is not to forget nor to excuse the other person’s behavior, it’s to accept what happened and how it made you feel. It’s to stop recreating and reliving a past that had no future. It’s to stop expecting something from the wrongdoer. Closure probably makes forgiveness easier but forgiveness is an internal and personal act. Although every time someone wrongs you it hurts, the size of the scar will depend way more on how you treat your injury than on its magnitude. A nasty injury that is treated properly will leave a way smaller scar than a small one that you keep picking the scab off.

Last but not least, it gave me a new perspective on love. I thought love was a reciprocal act between two people, but I arrived to the conclusion that love can be unidirectional. “It is the time you spend on your rose that makes your rose so important.”* A crush pops up and can easily fade away because it has no roots. Love, on the other hand, has a way longer lifespan because it has roots that cover your entire self. Love is magical not because it pops up like a rabbit from a magician’s top hat, but because it’s the magical outcome of choosing to care about someone or something. Despite love is a leap of faith, you can’t do anything to be loved but just let yourself be loved, it’s overwhelming once you truly internalize the fact you chose to do so. Although reciprocal love is what we hope for, unidirectional love will leave you with a fuller self. Love makes you selfless, it reveals the best of you and it motivates you to become the best version of yourself; you just have to be prepared “to weep a little if you allow yourself to be tamed.”*

*The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

100% ESQUIZOFRENICO

Para que no me rompan mas las pelotas con eso de hablar solo, me compre unos headphones con microfono y los tengo puestos todo el día. No los tengo conectados a nada pero el boludaje no lo sabe. La gente piensa que estoy ocupadísimo con llamadas todo el tiempo y no me molestan. Esto a mi me da un respiro. Que agobiante es tener que estar todo el día haciendo lo politically correct. Con los headphones puestos puedo ser yo mismo sin tener que estar aparentando todo el tiempo que soy alguien más. Si la gente supiera la libertad que podrían tener con esas tiritas de cable que tienen colgadas! Lo único que tienen que hacer para ganar esa libertad es desconectarlas pero la mayoría de ellos no lo harían no por no estar conectados sino porque se sentirían ridículos.